zoned out...Some days I am completely and totally disinterested in my job. It's a good thing they pay me well, because I really and truly don't get any satisfaction from what I actually accomplish on a day to day basis. Today I felt like a zombie. Lots of work crises, yet no adrenaline flow from me. Just in a basic fog. No good, I think. No good at all. Maybe it's just a Monday thing and I'm going through withdrawal after 3 solid days with the boys at home.

Mommy's new toy...The new camera came in the mail today. It's kind of overwhelming and I'm struggling to figure it all out. I think I could spend a week doing nothing but reading the manual and still not know how to use all the features. In the meantime, it's fun to be able to shoot and see the results without having to run film to the store for developing. I'm off to a good start and have disciplined myself to delete the bad images right away (or else I think this thing will get out of hand quickly).

The boys are back in town...Sean and Hayden went to Tyler for a few days, leaving me home alone with Trevor and the dogs.

It's funny, because when I just had Hayden, I remember feeling overwhelmed at the thought of being left alone to care for him. One of the downsides of having such an active co-parent like Sean is that you get really dependent on the extra set of hands. But now with Trevor, it seems like a vacation when I only have ONE kid to care for. Just a shift in perspective I guess. With the first little one, I felt like I never had a moment's rest. Then you have two and you really know what it's like to not have free time. So a few days with only one again makes it seem relaxing.

Mind you, I still didn't get much accomplished. Got the picture book updated through May and did a little laundry. Never made it to pick up the dry cleaning or into the shower. Did take Trev out for his first trip to Amy's Ice Cream. Yum! The boy took to ice cream like a fish to water. That's momma's boy. He's the same way with cake.

Hayden was literally bouncing off the walls when he came home. Two days with the older cousin and a trip to see the Yankees play were a bit much for him I think. Unfortunately, the side effect of playing with older kids is that he's a little rough with Trevor when he comes back. Hopefully he'll settle down today, because I'm not sure I can handle another night of the hyper-Hayden.

Buyer's remorse? I ordered a new camera this week. I'm excited about it and nauseous at the same time. I always get this way with big purchases. I spend tons of time trying to decide what I want (Nikon D200, by the way, with a nice lens and accessories) and discussing the purchase with Sean (so he doesn't pass out when the Amex bill arrives) and then when I finally order, I just feel sick. I start thinking about all the other options I could have chosen. Should I have gotten the 18-200mm lens instead of the 18-55mm lens? Then I think about all the other things we could have spent this money on. A family vacation perhaps. Put it in the college fund. But we can still afford a vacation. And we're already shoveling money in the college fund.

Is this normal? It happens to me any time I spend more than $100. I've been thinking about a new camera FOREVER and those of you who know me know I'll really use it. But still, the sick to the stomach feeling persists. The camera and lens have a 14-day return period after they arrive. Typically the nausea lasts till the return period expires, because at that point the decision is out of my hands. But didn't I already make the decision when I placed the order? Not really since I return about half of what I buy. But why would I return this camera? I really want it. You can see how I don't do a very good job of convincing myself on these things. So round and round we go...

Chatterbox: Hayden was a late talker. Worked with a speech therapist from about 18 months old till 2 years old. Then...BAM!...the kid started to repeat everything we said.

Now I'm starting to wonder. Do we have the annoying kid? We had a new babysitter last night, Perla. I was a little concerned that he might not react well and might cry when we left. Nope. The second she walked in the house, he starts yammering. "I'm eating my fish sticks. Then I get to watch my movie. We're going to watch Chicken Little. I went to the dog show today. Dogs were racing around really fast. Pippen and Malik got haircuts today. But Bailey isn't here anymore because he died. Sammy died too, but I got a new fish. His name is Barnaby..." and on and on and on...I'm surprised the girl didn't turn around and run out the front door.

My brother called a few weeks ago and after I talked to him for a bit, I asked him if he wanted to talk to Hayden. He said "That kid? No way, he talks my ear off." Seriously, how do you tell your kid to not talk so much? When he goes to school he's going to drive the teachers nuts. Of course, at least Sean can always say this trait didn't come from him.

Trevor speaks...The little man is starting to talk a little. Well, mostly he just yells at us in some strange language that none of us can understand. But there are a few real words so far. "Apple" is the most distinct. He's loving the apples these days. Then "up" and "cup" are both pretty clear too. "Goggie" for "doggie" is pretty consistent. Strangely enough, not too much "Mama" or "dada" talk. He has the syllables down pat, but doesn't use them towards us too much. He seems to try to say Hayden's name though, something like "Hay-duh". And he definitely uses "Hey" as a greeting, which is sort of an embarrassing indication of how properly we all greet each other and family and friends. Then we hear the occassionally "Ba Ba" for "Bye Bye" and "Na Na" for "Night Night". All in all, it's pretty neat to hear it all developing. Certainly nice in contrast to the anxious months we spent waiting for Hayden to talk. I'm sure the long term result with Trevor will be the same as with Hayden, where we look at each other one day and say wistfully, "Wasn't he just a newborn yesterday? Why did he have to grow up so fast?"

Gullible kid or mean mom? The other day I wanted Hayden to wear his new red shirt. Of course he already had on one of his Yankees shirts so he adamantly refused to wear the shirt I wanted him to put on. So a little later he wanted me to blow up a balloon with the new mini-helium tank I bought. He stood eagerly in front of me holding the bag of balloons that came with the tank. "Mommy, can you read the instructions to me?" I look at the bag for a second. There are instructions in various languages and a sentence that says, "See tank box for English instructions". So I decide to wing it. In a voice that sounds like I'm reading, "Step 1, put on a red shirt. Step 2, remove balloon from bag. Step 3, open valve on helium tank..." Hayden looks at me curiously. "I guess you have to be wearing a red shirt first" I say with all seriousness. He pauses, just for a moment, to ponder his course of action. "Could you help me put on my red shirt Mommy?" It was all I could do to keep from laughing. It isn't supposed to be this easy, is it? So he put the red shirt on and I blew up the balloon. Of course, if somebody else goes to blow up a balloon for him, they're going to think he's a nut if he tells them he needs to put on his red shirt first. Isn't it neat how when you have kids you can create your own little world of zany rules and if you don't let them out of the house too much, they'll never know any better?

Where do these comments come from? Hayden was working on his United States puzzle last night (yes, he's a map geek, he doesn't get it from me). So he's got Ohio in hand and says "This is Ohio. Mommy went to Ohio. Her back hurt after she went to the museum and Gigi had to bring her some medicine at her hotel." This was 2 months ago that I went on a trip to Cleveland and talked to him on the phone that night. We haven't spoken of it since then. I had forgotten about it entirely. It's kind of scary how much he remembers. Makes you want to be a little careful what you tell him.

Sean took the boys through the McDonald's drive-thru for breakfast last Friday. Apparently Hayden was chatting away from the backseat, "What time is it Daddy? Is it before 10:30? Are they still serving breakfast? Have they stopped serving breakfast yet? Is it 10:35?" I think my children are going to be scarred for life by my little adventures.

Conversations with a 3-year old: We were getting into the van the other day and had the following conversation with Hayden:

Hayden: Look, I buckled my seatbelt all by myself!

Me: Wow, you're such a big boy!

Hayden: And I closed the door to the van all by myself too!

Me: I can't believe you can do that all by yourself!

Sean (to Hayden): Here are the keys, do you want to just go ahead and drive the van too?

Hayden (with a very serious tone): No, I'd better just stay here in my booster seat. The policeman would be very angry if I rode up front.

So the question is this, how old are they before they pick up on sarcasm?