Cancer

Fucking colon cancer

FUCK

Oh dear, where do I begin?

I came to the ER at around 9 am on Christmas morning with a fever and severe abdominal pains. I'd been having pains on and off for almost two weeks but on Christmas Eve it was really unbearable so I stuck it out for the gift unwrapping then headed to the hospital.

An X-ray, cat scan, and other assessments led to an initial diagnosis of...drum roll...constipation. Bad girl, eat more fiber. So they checked me in for four liters of oral laxatives (not kidding) and, oh joy, continuous enemas. Plus some crud by IV to stir up my stomach a little more. This regimin led to almost continous vomiting and no results on the other side. So they figured I just wasn't cooperating and stuck an NG tube up my nose and down into my stomach. Turns out I can vomit even with a tube in to suction out the contents of my stomach.

After about 48 hours of this chaos where I felt like I was on death's doorstep, they sent me for a colonoscope which showed that I have a complete obstruction in my colon. We're waiting for the biopsy results, but given my age and the sudden onset, they feel it's unlikely to be a malignancy.

Most likely scenario is Chrone's disease (I'm not sure on spelling, can't google well from the blackberry). Right now they don't think I'm in imminent danger of rupturing my colon. I've been without food or water since Christmas Eve so they put in a central line today and should start pumping me with some nutritional muck tomorrow.

We tentatively have surgery scheduled for Friday morning (surgeon on vacation till then) to resect the closed off portion of my colon. They aren't fond of doing the surgery when the colon is full of you-know-what, but we don't have a whole lot of options since my system doesn't have any way of clearing itself out right now. So they may or may not be able to put the pieces back together again which could leave me with a temporary colostomy for 3-6 months. But unless I rupture or it's cancer, they've indicated that a permanent colostomy is unlikely.

So what can I say? I'm scared, praying it's not cancer. Praying that I don't become septic. Praying that I can go home to my sweet babies who I miss so dearly. I probably shouldn't spill my dirty medical problems to the internet, but I know many of you care and I ask you to pray the same prayers with me.

Things are fine at home. My mom is arranging for a personal leave to help out at the house so Sean can continue to be here bt my side. Sean's mom was a trooper watching all 3 kids the last five days. I'll try to post a brief update here if there's news, but just be optimistic and assume no news is good news.

Oh, and whenever I finish up with all this silly business, apparently I have a hernia that needs surgery and some lesions on my liver that need an MRI. Thank God I look so stunning in a hospital gown.

One year ago today...

A light came into the world...
And the world has made another trip around the sun...

And that little light has gotten bigger and brighter...Today it shines bright enough to light up all of our lives...

Happy birthday baby girl!

For those of you who like horror movies:

Here is the gruesome shot of poor Trevor's mouth. No, those teeth weren't in that position before the ride down the stairs. Check back in a few weeks and they may not be there at all. He can't bite with those teeth for two weeks in an effort to allow them to heal and firm up. At least one has 80% mobility according to the dentist. Which means hanging by a thin thread.

But he's not due for his permanent teeth for another 3-4 YEARS! So I'm thinking a crooked smile is better than no smile. So I think I'm hoping for the teeth to hang in there. Although I do think that if they turn black that would be gross. I'd prefer no teeth to black crooked teeth.

If you still haven't backed out, you can click on the picture to enlarge. And yes, that is dried blood all over his mouth. Nice touch, eh?

Hooray for small victories!

Just sent my Christmas card order to the printer. With any luck, they'll arrive here Wednesday (Thursday at the latest). I can have the envelopes all addressed and ready and maybe they'll arrive at their destinations before Dec 25th.

Now we just need a tree, presents, a birthday party for a little girl...like I said, it was a small victory.

Experience...

Y'know, you can tell your kids something a hundred times, but there are certain things they're determined to learn for themselves. Like when you say "Don't tip back in your chair, you'll fall." You can say that forever, but until they crack their head on the floor, your words will fall on deaf ears.

But certain times, I'm remiss for not warning my kids. Like I never said to Trevor, "Don't sit on that toy firetruck and try to ride it down a flight of wooden stairs". Not that he would have listened, but I didn't say those exact words. But I'm guessing the firsthand experience was enough for him to not do it again.

Pictures to follow...

Hang your head in shame...

Just one short month ago, watching a certain president-elect give his election night victory speech in Grant Park, I was proud to be from the great state of Illinois. Still probably nowhere near the Texas pride I see every day, but I had a warmth in my heart for the Land of Lincoln.

Today, not so much. Two governors in a row ousted for corruption? The transcripts of this guy's phone calls read like a bad movie script. Can somebody find me a governor I can respect. Alaska? Um...NO! Texas? Does anybody remember the commercial from the last campaign where they had Perry trying to talk himself out of a traffic ticket? What a clown. But he's no Rod Blogojevich, that's for sure.

Nice way to represent for the home team Rod.

Lists...

Mama T is a self-proclaimed list person. I admire that. Me? I'm anti-list. Why do I need to look at the top 10 things I didn't get done today that should have gotten done yesterday. If I had a list, it would look like this:

Presents purchases: ZERO
Gift ideas: ZERO
Christmas cards designed and ordered for other people: FOUR
Christmas cards designed and ordered for self: ZERO
Photo shoots edited for other families: ??20??
Photo shoots edited for my family: ZERO
1st birthday party invitations designed and ordered: ONE (Yay!)
Adorable 1st birthday outfits ordered after begging the woman to please, please accept my order even though it's past the holiday cutoff: ONE (Yay! Again)
Sense of impending doom as the birthday and holiday approach: PRICELESS

If you're reading this, just remind yourself that this blog is my personal gift to you and you couldn't ask for anything more. :-)

Swing shift...

Wednesday-up at 3 am
Thursday-up till 3 am

If anyone tells me I look younger than my age today, I'll know they're lying.

Oh, that caffeine is shouting my name and I'm playing earmuffs so I don't hear its' profane seductive call.

Yum!

I had a salted caramel signature hot chocolate at Starbuck's today. First of all, I never go to Starbucks and all their fancy drinks and weird sizes confuse me. Secondly, it makes me sick to pay almost $4 for a hot chocolate.

But, seriously now, it was soooooo delicious. Like run out and get yourself one right now. And go another 6 months without a haircut so you can afford one at least once a week.

Caught a flight home 2 hours earlier than originally scheduled. SWEET!

Love/Hate

I have a love/hate relationship with 6 am flights. I love being able to get to a 9 am mtg without having to fly out the day before and stay overnight. I HATE waking up at 3:15 to get ready and make it to the airport. I mean, really, that's just an obscene hour. Even Juliette isn't rude enough to disturb my sleep at that hour.

But the guy at security spent a while looking at my license before he finally said "You look a lot younger". Maybe he says that to everyone...maybe he was joking...but he sounded sincere. And it got a smile out of me at 5 am, which isn't easy.

'Tis the season...

Yesterday, the boys went to the Thanksgiving parade downtown before we enjoyed a lovely meal at home (I can say it was lovely even if I cooked it, right?) Then we made our quasi-annual trip to the Uptown Lighting ceremony and fireworks near the Galleria.

The boys got some nifty new toys to make their own lightshows:


Juliette watched the fireworks with Grandma Denise and welcomed the official opening of the Christmas season...

Then we enjoyed a leisurely afternoon at the park the day after Thanksgiving. No shopping for us, thank you very much. Juliette knew it must be fall still because she found a leaf on the ground.

The boys knew it was almost Christmas because they opened the outdoor ice skating rink at Discovery Green. However, they opted for other diversions...

Yeah, 85°F on the day after Thanksgiving...welcome to Christmas season in Texas...let's put on our bathing suits and play in the fountains at the park.

One to check off the list...

I don't have the ingredients for our Thanksgiving dinner, but I did manage to get the kids to the mall for the annual Santa picture. Here they were in the car on the way to the mall.

Juliette didn't know what she was getting into...
Hayden scowled at me, until I told him Santa doesn't bring presents to boys who make mean faces at their mother.

Trevor was a little pumped up this year. A nice change from the frightened screaming of yesteryear.

How adorable are these two?

Hayden loves Santa.

Here was the shot from the mall people:

And this was mine.

All in all, not a bad Santa visit. Not a cryer in the bunch.

Forgot to mention...
Someone turned 11 months old today. Ooh la la!

For Anna, who wanted to see the whole outfit...

And expressed a special interest in these cute shoes...

Delinquent...

Got a letter today from a collections agency. They're after me for some overdue library books. I got the notice a while ago but didn't want to pay since they said they'd reverse the charge on the books if I returned the books. And I kept meaning to return the books but didn't get around to it.

How wrong is it that I ruin a near-perfect credit rating by hijacking three books on bed-wetting? I mean, if you're going to go down in flames, shouldn't it at least be over something more fun?

The itch...

I'm starting to get the itch to buy a new camera. My shutter has been acting a little sketchy and I don't have a back-up camera. And the new Nikon D700 has some nifty features that could bring some real improvements to my shooting.

BUT...the old camera is still working...and I'd need a pricey new lens to go with the new camera (my #1 lens isn't fully compatible with the D700...and I'd have to book, I don't know, 30 shoots, to pay for the camera and lens.

So I can't really justify the new camera completely. And these things tend to get cheaper/more sophisticated the longer you wait. So maybe I should wait.

But I really really want it NOW.

Perhaps a bad sign...

When the dog gets haircuts more frequently than I do. I'm the shaggiest one in the house.

Skinny jeans...

When I see those two words together, I think on those one-size too small jeans we all have in our closet, waiting for the day that 15 lbs miraculously disappears from our waist/bum/hips/thighs. But don't set foot in the Gap, new land of "skinny jeans" which apparently means the early 80s fitting jeans that are skin tight from waist to ankle. Now I must ask, is that a good look for anyone? I mean even if you're 5'10" and 110 lbs I think skinny jeans look ridiculous. Of course, the fact that I'm shorter and heavier than those dimensions may influence my thinking. But seriously, were they watching when Stacy and Clinton passed out the rules on "What not to Wear"?

In other news, I got sick on Saturday night and had to cancel 2 photo shoots for Sunday. Which means I'll have 5 shoots the following weekend which really exceeds my ability to process in a timely manner. So you may not be hearing from me for while since I'll be in solitary confinement with my BFF Photoshop for a while.

Stylist, please?

I've been taking pictures of one family after the next for the upcoming holidays. And every family I meet shows up looking effortlessly lovely. Which never ceases to amaze me since outfitting the family for holiday pics is the bane of my existing. Every year it takes me longer and longer (perhaps due to the continued expansion of the clan).

This year I decided we're going with a more relaxed look so we're going to wear jeans. Which means I only need to buy tops. That's a no brainer, right? Not so much. Trying to look coordinated but not outright matchy-matchy is beyond my abilities, apparently. I spent two hours looking for a top for myself to end up with one purchase that still doesn't inspire me. I still don't have a decent pair of jeans, but I've got a Gap coupon so I'm optimistic.

I've been looking online for Juliette because I can't find anything in the store that's a dark color, not too dressy, and no wild patterns. I found something online but can't stomach paying $100 for an outfit that will be unlikely to fit in two months. I did find a dress I kind of liked online for $50. Then I found the same dress in a store for $110 but it was super cute when I tried it on her. So I spent 1.5 hours online trying to find it for $50 again. No luck.

I took all 3 kids to the mall today to try to find outfits for the boys. The only things that kept me from killing them were 1)threats of telling the mall Santa about their misbehavior (why is Santa there before Thanksgiving?) 2) the TVs in 2 of the stores we visited and 3) the promise of cookies. So I got a few options for them which is progress. Another 5 hours of frustrated shopping and I might wrap this year's shopping up. Which is ridiculous. Who spends this long to look so "effortlessly casual"? Nobody.

So if you wonder why I didn't send that perfect baby/birthday/Christmas gift...this is why. I can't shop. Get paralyzed by the decision-making. No inspiration. Looking around at the vast mountains of choices just makes me dizzy.

But with any luck, I might get it together enough to get the family pic done, put together a card, and send it to you. If I work on it every waking hour between now and Dec 25th.