Wednesday, January 07, 2009

A First...

First full day at home.

First post-surgery shower.

First visit from the home-health nurse.

First time to show the kids my 17 staples (BTW, Dr. McApathetic, would have been nice if you'd left me with a belly button. I know "it wasn't cosmetic surgery", but still, you didn't have to leave me a total freak show).

First time to feed one of my babies a bottle of formula (hard, very, very, inexplicably heartbreaking, but at least I'm here to hold her).

First of many naps with Trevor in the big bed.

First totally unexpected care package from a girl from my high school -- Cosmo and nail polish -- I love Facebook.

All in all it was a good day. Still nothing from pathology. It's hard to have cancer and not know the staging or path forward. I'm a do-something, let's go, impatient kind of gal. So this will be a much-needed lesson in patience for me. We'll take it as it comes.

I haven't really said enough specifically about what a rock Sean has been through all this. It makes me verklempt just to think of how steady he has been by my side, being my voice to the doctors and nurses, being gentle when I didn't deserve it, not flinching at things that would have sent many a lesser man running for the door. It means so much to have someone you can completely trust, completely count on, a partner as if that word was enough. In sickness even more than in health. How did I get so lucky?

I watched a little Oprah today. She said that if you're breathing without a machine, you can start by being thankful for your breath. I can do so much more than breathe. I can walk and talk and type and hug and eat and laugh and make sarcastic comments about the hospital staff. So please don't feel sorry for me. I'm here surrounded by people I love and getting messages of love from so many dear people near and far. And I had at least 20 things make me smile today. And I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Hope you're doing the same.

LM

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am smiling now. Thank you for that and for the inspiring and truly amazing woman that you are.

Kathyrn

cuz said...

you are awesome and so strong, thats why you are loved soooo very much...have a beautiful day...

Anonymous said...

You have no idea how much I took away from your post. You are amazing. You have lifted me up when I feel I should be lifting you up. You are in my every thought and prayer. <3, Paige

Anonymous said...

Thank you for reminding me over and over again of all the blessings in our shared lives. And for reminding me that friendships is one of those blessings. Margaret

Anonymous said...

Girl, you nailed that one right on the head! Your message is just what I needed! And to think that at this point you are giving to all of us when we should be giving to you? Truly a friend! Allison

Mama T said...

I'm not sure what to say, because I have been feeling sorry for you and your family these past few days. But man, what a great attitude you've shown us, I mean, SERIOUSLY! Talk about seeing the bright side of things and the silver lining. Hats are off to you, LM, from your pals north of the border.

Art Usher said...

I am glad that you are finding the ability to smile in the midst of waiting and learning patience. I love you sister mine.