Still no news from pathology. The waiting is hard. Sean made some phone calls to MD Anderson today to start the process for them to review all my records and give their chemo/treatment plan recommendation. Apparently, if you don't start your treatment there, they won't take you as a patient until you've finished your recommended treatment with you original hospital/physician. And while the oncologist here seems on his game and is very attentive, I'd just feel more comfortable with someone with more experience treating this particular type of cancer in someone my age.

They say that for the tumor to have gotten to the point it did (completely obstructing my colon), it would have been growing there for 10-15 years. It's just hard to think that this cancer has been there since before Sean and I started dating, before I ever carried any of my precious babies. Just lurking, growing. They say the kids need to start having colonoscopies in their mid-20s. Poor things. What a genetic gift, eh?

Today has been a little challenging. They took me off all my IV pain meds at once, trying to prep me for going home tomorrow. I went from total NPO at midnight, to trying to force down food and drink in an effort towards independence. After almost 2 weeks of not eating or drinking, I think it's going to take a little time to regain an appetite. And then there was the reality of the colostomy, which is really more reality than I wanted to deal with on a day with no Toradol or morphine.

But tomorrow's another day, hopefully a day where I can go home and the babies won't be scared of me. I've been sitting in this bed staring at pictures of their sweet faces just wishing I could hold them without all these wires in the way. Tomorrow, whatever else comes, will bring the cuddles I need.

LM